So a day or two ago, I released and awfully depressing, self loathing, idiotic post. I apologise to anyone that read that, it came across as attention seeking and immature.
I haven't been coping with my recent stress very well and taking it out of my previous issues felt like the right thing to do after some depressing dreams and a severe lack of sleep. My life is pretty awesome right now, I've just been focusing on all my problems and all the bad things, which in turn fed my guilt complex sending me into a downward spiral of stress, depression and anxiety.
I also mentioned that I 'fucked up' in my previous relationship. In all truth, I don't know if I did, my guilt shrouds my perception of the whole situation and I end up blaming everything on myself. All I know now is that my current relationship is awesome and I don't regret anything about it. I love her more than anything, it's just sometimes the lack of an actual physical side brings me down do this point of loneliness that I end up blaming myself for.
That being said, I don't hate my ex either, I just wish she'd treat me with some respect after everything I did for her. I suppose one can't ask for miracles, but we can all wish.
But yes, Sorry for being a depressing emo.
I love you.
Mat.
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