Today I conducted a little experiment on myself.
I wanted to test whether my gender issues were just a vanity issue, if it was me just liking to wear women's clothing or whether I truly felt uncomfortable in my male mould.
Usually I'll dress myself in a very feminine way, women's tight jeans (which really isn't too uncommon in guys), androgynous upper attire and such. I rarely wear anything that makes me look overly 'male', so I thought perhaps if I were to dress like a regular normal guy for a day again, especially after all these deep soul searching sessions, would if effect me?
In short, I wore guys clothes again to see what feels it gave me.
I was legitimately surprised at how depressed it actually made me feel. I'm not quite sure if that says anything about how vain I am or how much I care about outward appearance, but whenever I caught a glimpse of myself throughout the day, I just didn't feel quite right. I was worried about being viewed as 'just a guy on the other side of the station', the 'boy' that just walked past, you get the idea.
Good thing t-shirts are unisex to an extent otherwise my wardrobe would be fucked.
If anything, this confirms my gender issues and how I feel towards myself. It doesn't confirm everything, most certainly not, there are so many issues to get through in this Sol-forsaken head of mine, but it makes me feel better just that little bit, and if there's anything I really need these days, it's happiness.
