Expected High Levels of THC.

Today I got my blood taken from me, but don't worry, it's a good thing.

Hopefully this will be the last step of my full medical examination and I'll finally be able to move on to the next steps of my whimsical gender journey. There is a point to this post though.

I used to absolutely hate needles, deadly afraid of them. Even up until about seventeen, the would scare the crap out of me. They still scare me a little but it's less the needle itself that I dislike now. I find that getting a needle is a very awkward situation. Not much conversation, creepy doctor room environment, I dunno, it's all weird to me.

Novice-crastination.

Today, the I came to terms with the fact that I suck at getting anything done. Be it something I hate (i.e. school work) or something I enjoy (i.e. solo music projects), I have serious problems with not being able to finish what I've started. Magenta Eyes hasn't really moved forward since I released the unmixed version of the first song.

This doesn't really warrant the time or energy for a blawg post (in which I'm having enough trouble trying to finish, thus proving my point further), but I need to start writing about something different. This place is becoming depressing.

Friends Don't Let Friends Get Depressed and Blawg.

So a day or two ago, I released and awfully depressing, self loathing, idiotic post. I apologise to anyone that read that, it came across as attention seeking and immature.

I haven't been coping with my recent stress very well and taking it out of my previous issues felt like the right thing to do after some depressing dreams and a severe lack of sleep. My life is pretty awesome right now, I've just been focusing on all my problems and all the bad things, which in turn fed my guilt complex sending me into a downward spiral of stress, depression and anxiety.

I also mentioned that I 'fucked up' in my previous relationship. In all truth, I don't know if I did, my guilt shrouds my perception of the whole situation and I end up blaming everything on myself. All I know now is that my current relationship is awesome and I don't regret anything about it. I love her more than anything, it's just sometimes the lack of an actual physical side brings me down do this point of loneliness that I end up blaming myself for.

That being said, I don't hate my ex either, I just wish she'd treat me with some respect after everything I did for her. I suppose one can't ask for miracles, but we can all wish.

But yes, Sorry for being a depressing emo.
I love you.
Mat.

Just A Little Update.

Howdy y'all.

Been a while. You know what? I say that almost every time, you probably get it by now, I don't post much. Let's move on.

So, a lot of ideas have been floating around since I last typed. The netlabel is plausibly going good, the musical creativity is flowing, the sound engineering course has been going swimmingly, everything's going pretty good as far as general life things go.

I'm not gonna make this another depressing trans-related blawg post, but I will say this. The progress has not moved very far since last time, I don't dig it one bit but it can't be helped. The urge to have a legitimate shopping day or something with some girls grows just a little bit each and every day, but this lack of money is really holding me back. I'm sad about that, but everything else is good so it outweighs all this, to an extent.

*sigh* Okay, back to other stuff.

So yeah, back to the ideas and creative flow and junk. Currently I've been having tonnes of fun recording stuff with Breastripper (A grindcore project involving my friends Dom and Mitch from school). Naturally, being grindcore, it's not exactly the most accessible music to everyone, but for us it's a lot of fun and good times and I'd appreciate you checking it out as silly as it may be.

Another idea that's been floating around is a collective blog between the notorious trio of cousins. Now of course, we've all seen how alternative and experimental blogs have turned out in the past, but this attempt sounds like it may end up a little different than previous attempts, and hopefully more successful. I don't want to give away too much info, just in case it never actually goes ahead, but if it does, expect quality content and broad variety.

Am Farrows (my main band) have been doing fairly well recently too. We've had some positive gigs recently, and we're also starting to develop a consistent series of gigs and events in which we play. It gets me very excited. Hopefully the band won't distract me too too much from everything else, or vice versa. Everything seems to have a pretty good balance right now. Hopefully we can get some shirts or something happening soon, a bit of money would be nice.

The label (Bear Fruit Records) has been developing slowly too, which I've enjoyed. As it goes now, I don't have much time to spend on it so having it slow moving fits in just fine with me. The roster is slowly growing as is the community. It's a good feel.

I dunno, I'm out of juice. I wanted to write a more philosophical, deep, inner blawg but I really just don't have it in me to get so emotional anymore, or at least emotional enough so that I can transform my thoughts into words intelligible to other humans. Of course, I still have these deep and meaningful thoughts in my head everyday, looking deep within myself to find answers to questions I haven't even thought of asking myself yet...

Yeah, I need some sleep I think.

Oh also, driving sucks, I hate it. So stressful. Not my dig.