Trans-facts.

Since I was young, I’ve always had an odd perspective on gender. I never felt that it was fair that I didn’t get to choose whether I was a boy or a girl. I used to have seemingly wild wishes of being able to switch back and forth between being a girl and a guy. At around the time I turned ten years old, I accepted my fate as a male and went on living.

At around age fourteen or fifteen (forgive my uncertainty), I slowly began experimenting with short bouts of cross dressing (and mind you, this is something I’ve never told anyone, please refrain from informing my parents this), sometimes finding my sister’s clothes on the floor of the bathroom, I would try them on. Me being the scrawny thing I was they never fit properly at all, and not once did I ever consider this strange until I did it with other people around, although I did manage to sneak one public cross dress in when Sharna had one of her parties in which I got to wear Meg’s cute little pink skirt.

It was at about fifteen I came out as bi-sexual (in which it took me another five years to admit that to one of my parents). I expected waves of insults and a mass drop in friend count, which would have been a bad thing with the small amount I had, but things went much better than expected. I wasn’t ridiculed (except from the people I truly expected it from which was no surprise and it didn’t bother me in the least), I didn’t lose any friends over it, I was highly relieved.

From that point, I thought I had myself figured out, but things changed over time, old habits began to emerge and the cycle began once again. I again had thoughts of my gender, I would ask myself why I was male all the time, of course at this point I was in a hetero relationship and was incredibly insecure. The same thoughts have been emerging in my mind recently, but now I’m smarter, mostly secure, no longer in a physical relationship and much more level headed.

The idea of being bi-gendered was something that had never even occurred to me before, let alone me knowing it ever even existed. The idea of being both genders was a fantasy I’ve had ever since I was able to question my existence as a child. What this post comes down to is that I’ve always wished I could be both genders but I forgot somewhere along the way.

But wait. the rabbit hole goes deeper than this.

For almost a year now, the idea of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) has been something that has become increasingly tempting to me, but I wasn’t exactly sure why. I’d never had much of an urge to become a girl because I loved men and felt like a woman in a man’s form. After some serious revision in my mind, I came to this conclusion; I wish to physically become both genders.

Now it’s not as simple as popping a few oestrogen pills, growing tits and going on my merry way. Yes, I do wish to remain with the junk I’ve got, but having a more feminine form is something I urge quite severely. I’d become what the internet calls a ‘trap’ essentially. People do HRT to essentially become the opposite sex, the gender they wished to be inside, but I don’t wish to be any gender specifically, I wish to be both.

Being bi-gendered seems to be the small grey area of sexuality and gender identity. I’m not sure how to approach my parents about this, nor my friends or any other family. I suppose that’s why I’m typing all this up. I have family and friends that read this, and I know my parents don’t. Perhaps this isn’t the smartest of things, but venting all this does help me deal with all the stress involved with over-thinking about it.

When I have more progress on my thoughts on this, I will most likely post more, depending on the reaction this gets I suppose.

'til next time.

Matt