Image.

I am too much concerned with my image.

I wasn't able to discover this on my own, but it's been at the back of my mind for a long time, but due to some recent events it seems to have been pushed forward. After some serious consideration, I've deduced (and yes, you may think that perhaps deducing things about myself is vaguely redundant) that I am no less vain than anyone else.

I worry about looking normal. I worry about how people perceive me through my words, both written and spoken. I worry about my actions. I'm afraid people aren;t going to see me for what I want them to see of me. The thing is that I'm not really portraying a fake personality or anything (at least not in situations I'm comfortable in being in), I'm just scared of being disliked.

Even the blawg, it's all just a piece of this facade I've created for myself. I was never a great writer, or a great speaker, but I wanted people to know the inner workings of my mind. I started this whole thing too young. I was unable to be serious with it, which was my main objective, so I grew bored.

I'm not sure where I should take this blawg now. Whether I should continue it as is for other peoples sake, or just leave it be, and begin slowly removing all my internet distractions. One day, the only thing I'll ever need the internet for is music.

Being sick puts me in a horrid mindset. Lying in bed all day, alone. I clearly have issues with loneliness. Such a deadly combination, hating being alone and hating yourself. An endless circle of self loathing and hoping someone else doesn't do the same.

I've lost myself here, I'll end it while I still have some sort of cohesive sentence structure.
'til next time,
Matt.