Oh Look, Another Sad Blawg...

Today has perhaps become one of the most depressing days of my life. (This is fair warning to all those who dislike whiney blogs about being depressed and sad and shit like that. If you read on, it's your own fault.)

The day was generally okay, not much happened, just lazed around feeling sorry for myself coz I'm a loser, no different from most other days really, But then I decided to play a childhood game.

A bit of backstory for those who don't know, I recently decided to go back and finally actually finish playing The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening DX, which I've had for almost fifteen years and never completed, which then inspired me to play other beloved childhood games. Up until now, all I've been playing is Zelda, which has been fun admittedly, but at the moment I'm a little stuck (for the umpteenth time) so I decided to take a break and start on a new game.

Now, Pokemon, as people close to me should know, holds a place very near to my heart. It was probably at some points in my life the reason I lived. I feared dying before the next game came out. Game-wise, I was never a champion, but I wasn't totally shit at it either but I always enjoyed it, ever since Pokemon Red entered my house. To put it shortly, Pokemon is related to most likely the happiest of my childhood memories.

Now back to the story. I decided that perhaps a blast from the not too far ago but still childhood past would do me some good, so I plugged Pokemon Sapphire into my Nova F.M. branded GameBoy Advance SP and booted it up. All is fine and dandy at this point.

The game turns on, I start a new game, as Katie has been 'borrowing' it from me for quite some time, and the internal battery of the cartridge had run dead. I decided to start as a girl this time (We can all wish). I start playing, pick Mudkip as per usual coz he's a badass. I'm into the game about fifteen, maybe twenty minutes and I suddenly realise...

This game is fucking boring...


It echoed in my head, lingering in disbelief that I, such an avid lover of Pokemon, could ever utter such words inside his head. It hurt. It made my chest heavy, my female alias on the tiny small screen in front of me stood motionless for a good five minutes. A piece of my childhood just... dropped off. Fell out. Disappeared. Gone forever.

Have I grown up? Probably not. Am I no longer a child at heart? Most probably.

On an equally depressing matter, I see all the old acquaintances on FaceBook and such, they've grown up, they've started living, they're going places, and I'm still sitting here, whining to the internet in a room I don't own, while listening out for footsteps because the modem shouldn't be on this late.

I'm the definition of sad.

Okay new topic.

I recently (and by recently I mean in the time between my last blawg and now) quit the band I helped create, Atlantis Is Burning. There was no distaint or anything like that, I just felt I could move on to bigger and better things, and that I should stop being a part of some thing I hate (the trendy scene, not the band). I wish for the best in future effort to the three remaining members, please keep AIB strong, it was a good project, don't fuck it up. I'm lookin' at you Jair.

That being said, I've become all in a tizzy. I've been left with little to no motivation musically. I've been trying to write more stuff but I can't seem to cut free from the heavy vibe. It's really keeping me in a funk, and not the good kind of funk.

I've also been experiencing... you could say, an identity crisis of sorts. Recently, things have been making my notice how much I wish I... wasn't a guy. Not just physically. I'm not sure about this whole thing, I'm still trying to get my own head around it.

Anywhozle, I'm gonna go back to crying and starving myself. If you have any questions, leave a comment or just ask me, none of my readers are people I don't know I would assume.

'til next time.
Me. I think.